My Social Anxiety Blog - March 20, 2011
Today was Sunday and I had to get new front tires. Therefore, that meant a trip to Wal-mart. I knew I would have a little bit of problem since Sundays were always busy and there would be a crowd of people. I hate going in and standing in line because I feel like people are looking at me as well as judging. There is more truth than fiction since I am 6'6" and stand out from everyone else (except if I was on a NBA Basketball team). So people do look at me - and I have seen it. However, I have always felt uncomfortable but on the other hand, there is some confidence oozing out of me since I do lift weights (I have to admit, I am built like an athlete) and I try to convince myself that I am a big guy and tend to "throw my weight around". However, if there is no Klonopin flowing through my veins - I feel like crap. I did take one mg before I went to Wal-mart and it took the edge off - but when one of the guys at the counter asked me which key goes to what (for my car), I kind of stumbled through when I spoke to him. Not sure why I really was intimidated when this employee was questioning me, but I did make small talk with the other guy since he was getting impatient with one customer (this is after she walked off).
I went back home and went straight upstairs to do self-hypnosis. I visualized myself at work speaking in a meeting as a very confident person as well as feeling relaxed. For those that don't know, I still get panic attacks during these meetings and I don't know of a short-cut, so I am doing meditation almost everyday. I should be doing it more and I am sure that is why I can't get over the panic attacks as of yet - but that's ok...I'll try harder to do meditation daily.
I have thought about going back and do some EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) - since this looks like the magic bullet. So many people have claimed that they can overcome their fears in a matter of one day - but I have yet to witness this. I have tried this technique for about two weeks, but I really didn't see anything. I'm thinking about combining both the EFT and meditation on a daily basis...it won't hurt to do EFT, that is for sure. I may start tomorrow.
I am at my church now, waiting for my daughter who is in choir practice. I am going through some Klonopin symptoms...disorientation. I have been a little outgoing with people here and later tonight, after I finish today's blog, I will still be here at church, and I intend to talke to someone...not sure who yet. We'll see what will happen with this. Knowing myself, I'll revert to my old self and not talk to anyone. That's just me. A lone wolf.
Right now - I have to pick up Karrington, my daughter and when I travel up and down the halls of the church, I'll say hi to people. That doesn't bother me at all. It's the long talks to stranger that really bugs me. I gotta run and pick up Karrington. Everyone have a good day!
Update: I'm back writing this blog again and I am still here at church where I am waiting for my daughter to finish Awana (she has choir first and then goes straight to Awana). I just said hi to a woman that sat across from me while I'm blogging here in the internet cafe. Not sure what to say. I feel like since I'm a married man, maybe I really shouldn't start a conversation with this woman...but here comes the excuses again. So hard to start a frieken conversation. OK - now she is humming, she is literally getting on my nerves. Well - not sure what is going to happen. Let's hope I can start a conversation - just to beat my social anxiety up a little. Not sure how I can start talking though - we shall see.
Other pages: